Angry Mask, Broken Heart.

All We Need IS LOVE to Change the World.  God is Love and He loves You!!!
About 8 months ago I had been struggling with what I thought was anger.   It started off subtle but then developed into a full fledged volcano of emotions over flowing into many areas of my private and public life.  This was so not like me to not have it together in public or in arenas were my the "PR" me usually showed up and did what needed to be done and then the " RAW ME"  would go behind closed doors and let the anger flow.  I felt some shame with allowing this natural emotion to come out because I felt it was wrong or a sin to display such powerful distant for life, people, and circumstances around me.  I didn't know what to do with what was going on within me.    I sink into what I thought was a depression and tried to hold these feelings under containment until I could figure out what to do with them.    Time passed and the management of these emotions became less and less of a priority and the releasing of them by yelling whenever someone might have tapped a nerve was more the aim.    I felt so much better once I was able to release but the shame of my actions quickly dissipated any relief I might have receieved.  I must digress for a moment to share with you a relevant note.  I love to read! I collect books on all types of subjects to study in my free time.    I have lots of books in my library that I haven't  read but are there for me to pick up if I have some free time. Well I was in my office and I saw a book called Anger solutions.  I knew it was a sign for me to start dealing with the way I was expressing my anger.  One of the first things the book talked about was the shame we feel when expressing and feeling Anger.   Anger is a natural healthy emotion but what we do with it can make it unhealthy.   Do we outrage or enrage?  Do we let our anger stew and hurt ourselves or do we let it overflow like a volcano and consume everything in its path.  Well, none of these ways are healthy.  After carefully examination of my anger I realized that I was deeply wounded and hurt by the loss of my girls and ANGER was easier to express than the profound emptiness I was feeling.   I heard once that Hurt people Hurt people.  I was living that out in this season of my life.   Did I hurt people physically?  No, however words hurt and cut as deep as a knife. We can blow holes into each others hearts and minds with out picking up a physical weapon.   Words are powerful and Life or Death can come from ones mouth.  These are not my words but scripture.  I am not ashamed of the this season of my life because it has helped me see the power I have to either be a healer or a destroyer.   I choose healer and life.   Humility is important when we express our anger in ways that hurt others.   We need to go and apology and ask for forgiveness.   I also realized that Anger is not a sin and Jesus expressed anger in many situations in his life.   However, he did say be anger but sin not.  That is why we must know how to express this powerful emotion that was given us to bring about change in this world.  I now tell people I am MAD (Making A Difference) in the world around me.   If something irritates me at a level that I am Angry or MAD I need to do something positive to motivate change. "Be the Change You want To See In The World".  Many people in history Got MAD and were change makers (Jesus, Moses, Martin Luther of the Reformation, Ghandi, Mandela, Civil Rights Leaders, Women' Suffrage, MADD,  You and Me, and so on...)  

All in all I learn that the angry mask I was wearing was hiding a mother's broken heart.   I took that Broken Heart and Got MAD about senseless deaths due the lack of organs and tissues available for transplantation.    I have now channeled my energy into advocating for Donate Life and Lifebanc and any other organization that supports my mission.

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